My Radio

My attempts to channel what's playing on the many stations of my mind

Archive for September, 2009

Weekend Quotables

Posted by and1grad on September 27, 2009

Things I heard, read, or said, this weekend that really cracked me up:

RE: Superhead “There are more babies in her stomach than rocks in the Grand Canyon.” — “Smarty Jones” [@tsj2003grad]

“Why is Lamar Odom marrying that pro wrestler?” — some dope on twitter

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T.O. Stans

Posted by and1grad on September 27, 2009

Even though I’ve seen it for years now, TO Stans never cease to amaze me. These folks will defend ANYTHING this fool says and does for absolutely NO reason whatsoever. I watched on twitter as these folks jumped down Rodney Harrison’s throat for only telling the truth. TO IS a clown. If you dont know that, you’re delusional. I always say he’s WORSE than a clown. He’s radioactive. A cancer to any team he plays on or will play on.

This guy TORCHES whatever team he’s on for the entire time he’s on the team and everyone just accepts it as him just being TO. Allow me to tell you to get THE FUCK outta here with that ol’ bullshit. I wish I could give your brain steroids. Your thoughts might still be a lie but at least they’d be better developed. How do you show such RAMPANT loyalty to a guy that doesnt show any to ANY team? What kind of ironic, lamebrained nonsense is that?

Do people really need a history lesson about how this guy torches teams? How he lit up Jeff Garcia, calling him gay and all that? Have you seen Jeff Garcia’s super hot wife? Who is on TO’s arm? How bout when he went to Philly and rapidly took all the credit for their Super Bowl run? Told people that they lost the big game b/c Donovan lost his nerve? Really, big mouth? Donovan lost his nerve? The guy thats been CARRYING that Eagles team for years, INCLUDING the year that your ass was hurt watching the playoffs from the sidelines? THAT Donovan McNabb? Fuck outta here. And then they brought him out to Dallas, after he had FAMOUSLY shit on their star years ago. You got what you asked for with that one, didnt ya? And what happened when he left? He divided your locker room? Funny how THAT worked out. Oh and by the way, Cowboys fans, you now hate your Pro Bowl QB too, right? The only reason that team doesnt stink out loud. And they still root for TO, who had as many plays today as Rodney Harrison did from the booth.

But I guess you dont really need to go to the circus to support clowns, nowadays…do you?

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Quotables

Posted by and1grad on September 26, 2009

“I am as far beyond mutants as they are beyond you. I am ETERNAL. Your powers are useless against me. Annoying insects, nothing can stop the Apocalypse! I can not be harmed. Watch me and tremble…for I bring the purity of Oblivion to your world. — Apocalypse (Xmen cartoon)

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Quotables

Posted by and1grad on September 26, 2009

“I’m not saying your phone is old but what happened to the other one Moses brought?”

“I heard your phone is so old that the instruction book is for morse code. Is that true? I mean “bump bump babumpbump bump.” — a certain dope was clowning another dope’s old ass cell phone

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ART Club: Rosie Perez

Posted by and1grad on September 25, 2009


I consider Rosie to be one of the unsung heroes of my love affair with ART. I know I’m not the only one that remembers the scene in White Men Cant Jump when Woody pulls her into the shower and rips her shirt off. That was just fantastic movie-making right there. If only we could do something about that voice. So NOT the business but we’re not here talking about her enunciation skills.

*Jay-Z voice* “I’m sorry Ms. Rosie Perez but I call a spade, a spade; it just is what it is.”

This Boricuan bombshell can STILL make a brother like ME “do the right thing.” Definitely a spot for her, VIP…in the ART Club.

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Tough Guys

Posted by and1grad on September 24, 2009

I always find it interesting when I hear about some miscellaneous football player running his mouth about who is or isnt a tough guy. I think a lot of people are very much miscategorized as being tough when they’re really just another dope bumping their gums about nothing. I also think that beheading a guy who doesnt see you at all DOES NOT make you a tough guy. It makes you a cheap shot artist. There are of course guys who manage to blur the line. My #1 example of which being Hines Ward. I dont know of a bigger cheap shot artist than that guy. But he’s also tough. I think of you as a tough guy if you’re willing to, and are able to, run over a guy who actually DOES see you coming and is also coming at you. THATS being a tough guy.

Also, it seems like linebackers talk the most shit in football. Which is kinda funny to me b/c there’s not really many people hitting linebackers really. They get to run around blowing everybody up but are rarely in a position of themselves being completely blown up. I dont put a whole lot of stock in a Bart Scott telling Randy Moss to “man up” and come across the middle b/c Moss is gonna be the one who doesnt see Scott coming. Sorry but in my opinion, #toughguyfail. Also, I dont put a lot of stock in people who have never been to prison telling Plaxico Burress he needs to be tougher. Shut the fuck up. The guy’s going to jail…JAIL…for 2 YEARS…for something other people get a slap on the wrist for. Gimme a break.

There are a few positions in football that I DO think are played only by tough guys. And ODDLY ENOUGH, you rarely, if ever, hear them tooting their own horn or talking a lot of garbage. I’m talking about lineman. The offensive and defensive line, in my opinion, are inhabited by the toughest people in football. ESPECIALLY the nose tackle. Here’s a guy that spends the ENTIRE game beating up and getting beat up by 1 or 2 guys that are about his size or bigger. For 60 minutes, lineman whack the hell out of each other on a football field for leverage. And nose tackles normally dont get to do a nifty spin move, swim move, or shake and bake to get around a guy. No sir. They need to MOVE somebody, and often 2 guys, if they want a piece of glory.

As far as I’m concerned, the line houses the true tough guys.

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Oh my God… ANOTHER TREE HUGGER!!

Posted by and1grad on September 23, 2009

While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco , a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, ‘Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?’ 

‘I’m listening to the music of the tree,’ the other man replied. 

‘You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me.’ 


‘No, would you like to give it a try?’

Understandably curious, the man says, ‘Well, OK…’ So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left. 

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, ‘What the heck happened to you?’ 

He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. 

When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, ‘This just ain’t gonna be your day, cupcake…’

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ART Club: Elvira

Posted by and1grad on September 21, 2009

What can you say about this one? Elvira, mistress of the dark. A staple for Halloween when I was coming up. Did anyone ever find her scary with a body like that? Doubtful. Comfort ME in the dark, PLEASE!! With my b’day being so close to Halloween, its only right.

Elvira*, welcome to the ART Club.

*Real Name: Cassandra Wilson

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ART Club: Serena Williams

Posted by and1grad on September 15, 2009

I’m ashamed that I hadnt put this bombshell on sooner. Where was my head at? Dont answer that.

Serena Williams is the only thing I find interesting about tennis. And its not because of tennis. Serena, I am NOT staring at your titles. And as buff as you may be, I would still beat. Repeatedly. Ok now I’m just being crass but you get the idea. The girl is bad.

Its late so I’m gonna skip all of the bad tennis jokes I thought up and simply say this:

Serena Williams, please take your place amongst those in the ART Club.

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This isnt about Kanye

Posted by and1grad on September 15, 2009

Not really anyway. This is about the people that have been CONSTANTLY talking tough about what would have happened if Kanye would have done that to THEM. People, settle down and be real. ALL of us would have reacted almost identically to how Taylor Swift did. Utter shock. Stop acting like you knew what he would say when he went up there. And yeah yeah yeah, I know you’re WAY too physically imposing and intimidating for him to have done that to you…you know, b/c drunken jackasses are taking that into account before engaging in jackassery. Some of you really need to get over yourselves. He would’ve done that to anyone. He was drunk.

Having processed all of that, and it being over 24 hours since the incident, I’m entirely over it. However, and someone (Prez?) mentioned this to me before, Kanye never slowed down to sincerely grieve the loss of his mom. That is CRITICAL. I’m gonna tell you right now, when I lose either of my parents, I will be an absolute mess and completely nonfunctional for some time. The dude is obviously still grieving and acting out. People love the phrase “you need more people.” Hopefully he has some people that will slow him down or stop him before he does something that doesnt just go away with an apology.

Lastly, and I know that this has been said to death but, that little shrug he does before handing Taylor back that microphone was absolute hilarity. Fin.

(p.s. Ok it WAS a little about Kanye…so sue me)

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