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My attempts to channel what's playing on the many stations of my mind

Archive for the ‘Jokey Joke’ Category

Stuff that cracks me up

Quotables

Posted by and1grad on October 21, 2010

RT @Gambo620: Deanna Favre issued a statement: “Those pics Brett sent to that woman were meant for me, but u know Brett,they were intercepted.”

Posted in Jokey Joke, Quotables, Twitter | 1 Comment »

Potential R. Kelly remixes: “Trapped in a Closet (Mine)…A song for Yoni”

Posted by and1grad on October 9, 2010

Pienso es la manana, I’m just waking up
I want some food in my belly, I’m tired of this jelly

I dream of chimichangas y…quiero carne asada
And maybe later some punana but…preferably con mi novia, O!
Then later con mi esposa…pero…mostly con mi novia, woah!

I hope they never meet…No
I’d really like to beat…both
I’d also love to eat…toast
Or even if its meat…loaf

I hunger for outside!
You know I never lied!
Open that hole wide!
I’m ready for some pie!!

Trapped Miner Cheating On Wife

Posted in Jokey Joke | 1 Comment »

Potential Toni Braxton Remixes

Posted by and1grad on October 9, 2010

Another Repo Song

“Its just another repo song cuz I didnt feel like paaaayiinnggg…Please dont take my condo, I’ve nowhere to go and its raining; Cant you take this I.O.U-uuuuu???”

Come Break My Lease

“Coommmee break my leeeaaaasssseeee, Say you’ll loan me agaa-aaiinnn…Undo this boot from my car, the Toyota RAV4, parked out on the right; Lets go to SEARS!! Already tried Best Buuuuy…”

Bereaved Again

“If I never fill my bank account again, If I never earn how much I like to spend, If I never hear ‘I’ll pay you and your band,’ When I never make a payment once again, please understand…its cred-ii-iit. And this promissory note I just received ensured that I’ll be, bereaved again…”

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Wonderful World of Disney?

Posted by and1grad on August 11, 2010

Disney's Damsels

A while back, a friend of mine and I were discussing the impact of Disney on the realities of relationships. It seems, to us, that a lot of women have something of a fairy-tale scenario in mind when it comes to dating and we wondered how much of that is due to having watched shows/movies, like from Disney, growing up where the Princess is somehow “saved” by her chosen prince. As you can see in this pic, Disney’s damsels can also be interpreted in a negative manner. Let’s examine.
Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Jokey Joke, Movies | Tagged: | 9 Comments »

Scott Pilgrim…

Posted by and1grad on July 27, 2010

vs THE WORLD!!

Although I’ve never seen or heard of this comic before the movie previews started, I think this is an extremely interesting concept. What if you have to fight your prospective lady’s exes in order to be with her?

Would you? Lets say you only had to fight the ones that were currently single. That STILL could be a daunting task. I mean, she would HAVE TO be exceptional right? And preferably, not have a ton of BFs I guess. There HAS to be a point where you’d be like “Fuck this, bitch you stayin single,” right?

“Girl, I love you and all but…Kimbo Slice? Maybe we should just be friends.”

Posted in Jokey Joke, Movies, Relationships | 2 Comments »

Something Dumb From Twitter

Posted by and1grad on July 8, 2010

Re: Mary J Blige and her potential attendance of Howard University

Rappers should remix songs they did with Mary to honor her new quest for a degree. Like JayZ’s verses in Cant Knock The Hustle.

“Bouncin down the highway, switchin 4 lanes; Screamin thru the sun roof, Bachelor’s aint a thang…”

“I’m one of the best jiggas that done it, 16 credits and runnin; Yall dudes dont want it..”

*Method Man voice* Word life, you dont need a ring to be my wife; Just get this degree & Ima make sure we; Be livin in the f’n lap of luxury, I really thought you didnt even have a GED; But you did, now I’m goin all out kid; And I got mad love to give, in tuition…”

CHORUS: “Like sweet morning dew, I looked at NYU; But it was plain to see, Howard’s my destiny; HU, I’ll spend my time, I’ll write a conscious rhyme; I’ll sacrifice for you, Mary J, HBCU!”

“You’re all that I need, I’ll be there for you; Plus I heard you got that GOOD Howard U!” Yeah Mary. #youcandoit

————————————

I’m gonna go ahead and apologize for this piece of stupidity. But I was bored & needed a laugh.

Posted in Jokey Joke | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

The Pretty Girl/Hobo Conundrum (My Radio replay)

Posted by and1grad on June 11, 2010

The Pretty Girl/Hobo Conundrum Throughout the years, I have CONSTANTLY heard, from women, about how women are approached by dopes for their phone numbers, dates, etc. I’m sure most men are bombarded with these stories as well. It usually entails some unsuspecting fine lady minding her own business and being approached by some dude under the guise of conversation. Both parties know the underlying cause of why this conversation has started or at least have a decent idea. The pre … Read More

via My Radio

Posted in Dating, Gender, Jokey Joke, Life | Leave a Comment »

You can find me in the club…

Posted by and1grad on January 27, 2010

Something one of my twitterbuddies (@ScorpioDiva81) said today got me thinking. She asked, “At what point does going to clubs get old???? Have u reached that point yet?” Excellent questions. Personally, I’ve never been a club guy. Always considered it a hot box with a buncha ninjas sweating all over the place while the others were either playing Mr. Bigshot at the bar or mean mugging from the sideline. I’ll pass.

Besides, I grew up with a STEADY diet of Nigerian parties on the docket. My parents rarely missed one and believe me when I tell you this: Nigerian parties are like the club. If you know any, have partied with any, or are the neighbors of any, you know what I’m talking about. Some of ours were so ridiculous that we’d end up asking neighbors to use their driveways so people didnt just park in the middle of the street. Bad business. So because of this, I was pretty much done with club scene type madness after high school. Nawsuh. I wants no part of this.


When people talk about outgrowing the club, they usually include the rationale of being “the old man in the club.” He’s always the dude doing yesteryear’s dance moves and trying to “show you young whippersnappers whats up.” He looks decidedly out of place among 18 to 20-whatever year olds since he’s pushing 40 or so. I’m not sure I’ve ever actually noticed too-old-for-the-club guy, but I rarely go and only when forced. I think he might be getting a bad rap.

I mean, come on fellas. Imagine if you were this dude. Dressed like you were going to the Playa Hater’s Ball. Hangin around all those young, nubile, underdressed tenderonis. Seeing their being somewhat impressed by your ability to buy the expensive brand of whatever from the bar. Showing them how we used to Step In The Name of Love and calling Diddy “Puff Daddy.” (I’m assuming he’ll still be “Take That’ing”) Using that old line “Why dont you and yo’ friends, come hang out with me & MY friends…and maybe we can be friends?”…since those young cats wont know nothing ’bout that yet. I’m not sayin I’ma DO it…but I’m just saying I can see how this can be something of a win.

But if you see a guy dancin like Shabba Ranks and tellin some fly youngsta “Girl, you gon mess around and getcho next semester paid fuh…holla!!”…

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The Pretty Girl/Hobo Conundrum

Posted by and1grad on November 18, 2009

Throughout the years, I have CONSTANTLY heard, from women, about how women are approached by dopes for their phone numbers, dates, etc. I’m sure most men are bombarded with these stories as well. It usually entails some unsuspecting fine lady minding her own business and being approached by some dude under the guise of conversation. Both parties know the underlying cause of why this conversation has started or at least have a decent idea. The premise is ESSENTIALLY “lets see if we find each other interesting enough such that we can date.” Let me back up and say that not EVERY convo started has this in mind but a decent amount. I’ll estimate 60/40…depending on circumstances. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Attractiveness, Jokey Joke, Life | 2 Comments »

Fast Food Roundup

Posted by and1grad on November 11, 2009

On my way to picking up some Jack in the Box* this morning, I thought “Why dont I break down the different fast food joints around here?” How do you tell these “fast” heffas from each other? I can help you. Lets start with the Jack

Jackie B: She is the consummate multi-tasker.  Jack of all trades.  Whatever you want, she can do it and do it better than most. Like Parker Lewis, with Jack, you cant lose. She’s not the hottest or the smartest but she is one you want in your corner.

Mickey D’s: She’s Miss Popularity and she knows it. Everybody knows Mickey. She’s lead cheerleader, class President, and the valedictorian of your class. You dont want to like her…you just have no real reason to DISLIKE her. Anything you want, she can get. Nice clubs? She has VIP access. Backstage? Sure, why not. Her only flaw is “Pretty Girl Syndrome.” Thinks she can get away with ANYTHING b/c of her looks and a pretty smile. She often can.

Burger King: Lil BK is tryna to get like Mickey. She’s the lil sister that STAYS trying to get OUT of Mickey’s shadow but cant. She’s not hot enough, smart enough, or different enough to distinguish herself. She’s like the LA Clippers. This isnt to say she doesnt have her own quality, of course. Its just harder to find and underappreciated.

Wendy’s: Wannabe Wendy is that heffa that come around in fancy adidas and try to act like she better than all this shit. “I’m not fast food!” Fuckouttahere Wendy. Everyone knows where she comes from and she aint no blue blood. “Where’s the beef?” Wendy? My beef is with phonies like you. If you see a Wendy, pass her by without a second thought.

Carl’s Jr: Carla is one of my faves. She might try to put on a lil but thats actually the way she is. She’s not just tryna put on a front. In fact, consider her the better version of Wannabe Wendy. Carla is a lot like Jackie B just dresses nicer.

In n Out: She’s that girl with the old soul. A real throwback. Old school values and such and you appreciate her for it. She’s not about putting on but she does have some nice goodies about her if you get to know her well enough. She’s also a real sweetheart.

Chick Fil A: Chick is one of my favorites. She’s the one that does all the same type of #hoshit that all of the others do, except a slightly healthier version, but dont even THINK of calling her on Sunday. She spends the whole day at church, repenting.

Taco Bell: This is your Spanish friend that makes like she cant speak English when it suits her…but she’ll be the FIRST one to get mad at you when you make a joke about Mexicans.

Del Taco:  BK version of Taco Bell.

Chipotle:  This is the half Spanish/half White girl we all know or have known at some point. More than half the time, she ONLY looks like a white girl but dresses & acts like she’s a cholla straight outta Tijuana. And yes, she does rock the white top with the black bra (so…SO hood).

So there you have it. A short, concise look at characterizations of fast food restaurants. Have a great day.

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