Papa Smurf

How many of us spent years of our childhood watching Papa Smurf, not fully realizing just how much of a pimp he was. I’m not saying this to ruin your childhood…but lets just face facts shall we? Papa Smurf barely ever lifted a finger to do ANYTHING. Just ran around in his fancy red pimpin’ pajamas doing magic and shit. He had his whole tribe matching like an army of Don Magic Juans…I mean they KEPT IT “smurfy”…AND was able to keep a 100 dudes in line with just ONE ho. Word? Just one? Dont get it twisted, Smurfette had that entire village on lock. How many smurfs does Smurfette have WIDE OPEN just for a CHANCE? She plays dumb & innocent real well too…like Jessica Simpson (No Romo). Papa Smurf didnt even originally HAVE Smurfette…he stole’d her from some other jigga and dyed her hair blonde. Boom…instant profit. Papa Smurf is a straight hustler.

How come Papa Smurf knew princes and other royalty and had all those expensive books and shit? And STILL had all those smurfs living in mushroom village. Thats some pimp shit. That was acorn b4 there was ACORN. Didnt he have some kinda potions and magic dust too? Was Papa Smurf a pusher? Maybe. Brainy Smurf DID kinda act like a runner. Didnt you ever ask why Papa Smurf kept a joke like Brainy Smurf so close even tho he STAYED effing up? Because he knew Brainy could never be a REAL threat to the kingpin. Best threat would be Handy and he STAYED giving that dude projects. Smurfette knew it tho. She was always sniffing around Handy, wasnt she? But Handy knew that you cant turn a ho into a housewife, right?

So lets recap: Papa Smurf kept the fly threads, stole and made profitable a very serviceable ho, had money for trips (that he went on alone), new movers & shakers, had name recognition, possibly had & moved drugs,  DEFINITELY had a runner who wasnt gonna see him for his spot, AND kept his crew fitted and working on other stuff. Papa Smurf MIGHT be one of the illest kingpin gangstas on record and we didnt even know it.